the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
