I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
