Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
