I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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