If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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