if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
