My girlfriend figured out who you are.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
