just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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