new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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