we're blogging at a bar
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
