well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
