Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
