It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
