Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
