Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
