My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize