once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
