fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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