How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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