New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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