I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
