Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
