a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
