a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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