Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You smell like stripper and shame
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My life is pants optional.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
