it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
