He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
