I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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