They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
