Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize