finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
