I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
