The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
