worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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