I showed him my bush... on skype.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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