so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Farmville is her only friend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
