You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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