i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
