Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
