i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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