she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
