from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize