I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
