I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
