He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
