in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
