She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
