who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
