Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
