I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
