U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
