I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
