I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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