My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
