so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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