Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
