I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
