Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
