I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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