I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
