i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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