I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
