No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
