he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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