All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you had me at cake vodka
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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