We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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