ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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