i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
