i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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