This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
