so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
