that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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