I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
