ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
