i barfeds in our rink
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize