My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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