you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
