Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
