Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
