Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
