I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
