From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
