Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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