Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
