don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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