She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
