i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize