Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
