Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
