As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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