i think my mom watched the whole time
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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