I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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