If that was your dad, he is hot
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
