All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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