I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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