so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
