Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
