I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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