I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
