She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
