You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
